Dreft; and Things Just Like It.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Missing Chapters.

I hate to be all redundant. I can see that my last two blogs are exactly the same. Unfortunately, it's that same situation I've got on my mind. I HATE myself for not being able to be myself with him. It's not right. Shouldn't we all have to suck it up at one time or another and just LET THINGS HAPPEN? I can't.
Why is it that I can "readjust" my boobs with my gay friend blocking, that I can hug just about everyone else as they come in? Why is it that when I'm on a dance floor with complete strangers I can practically dry hump them and absolutely manhandle them??? But I get nervous if I like, touch his arm.
So what does this look like to him? Disinterest?
Earlier this week, we had a conversation about sex and baby oil (I'll spare you the details), but let me tell you - the mere IDEA of rolling around with him made me practially cum. Later on that day, he rubbed some aloe on my sunburn (only one arm- a fluke, he took too much), but him just rubbing me, INNOCENT TOUCHING, made me feel, well, at home...

I guess part of the reason I'm afraid to broach the subject is because a different girl we work with expressed interest in him, and he FREAKED OUT. I don't want to do anything to make him freak out. I don't know...
It's like I just want to sit down and say "look, this is how I feel, this is what I see, these are the mixed fucking signals that you keep sending me... How am I supposed to read the story if chapters and chapters are missing???"
Fuck. Maybe I should.

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